A Life In Pictures

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mp3: “AEP1” by Neil Michael Hagerty & the Howling Hex

Somebody who works at or for DC Comics recently said that “Batman: RIP”, the current mind-blowing saga featuring the caped crusader in his most psychotropic adventure since Robin died at dawn, doesn’t necessarily stand for Batman: Rest In Peace. “RIP could mean just about anything,” Warlock Mag’s unnamed source told us.

We thought that was kind of a bullshit thing to say, but we’re kind of a bullshit website, so we took it to heart. We amassed our entire editorial board to figure out just what RIP might stand for, if it doesn’t mean Rest In Peace. Here’s the best we could come up with on such short notice:

BATMAN: RESCUE ISIS PLEASE! - In which Bruce Wayne travels back in time to whenever it was that 52 took place, and prevent Black Adam’s smoochiepoo from being obliterated. Likelihood: Not much.

BATMAN: REMAIN IN PARIS! - Ah, the City of Lights, who can resist? Likelihood: Better than you think.

BATMAN: ROBIN IS PAINED! - In which Batman makes with the puns and Tim Drake, who reads Pitchfork, is embarrassed by the old guy. Likelihood: Even Steven.

BATMAN: RED INK PAPER! - In which Bruce Wayne is notified by telegram that Wayne Industries, through a series of high-risk investments in Professor Nichols’s Time-Ray hypnosis device, is BROKE. Likelihood: Nuh-uh.

BATMAN: REALLY, I’M POOPED! - In which the Dark Knight Detective stays in bed and watches Happy Days reruns. Likelihood: Definite.

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